Woohoo!!!

Four out of Five days without any major outbursts... a few grumbles, but no "scenes"!!!

The kicker.

One of the forefront thoughts that always come to my head.  

I've taught for 10 years, 5 of them in one of the toughest schools in the lower mainland.  Chairs thrown, lockdown mode, crazy maniacal children upsets.   I can handle all those situations and even help them improve.  But my own kid?  I can't "cure". 

   Maybe he knows me so well, he just knows what buttons to push.   The attachment apparantly is better than I thought. 

I'm a teacher, I've been trained in this!  I have read hundreds of discipline and child development psychology books.  How can this happen????

Some progress

Major tantrum about going to school on Monday again.   Totally blew me away as he was totally calm, ready to go, no warning signs except for a small "my tummy doesn't feel good".   

He ran into the playground and played with his friends, ran together with his friends to the school, where he put on his brakes and froze as soon as he passed the bootroom.   I was able to walk/drag him to his coat hook where he firmly planted himself in his no position, in his ready to fight to the bitter end attitude.  I of course had to leave, and the EA took over, as I heard the screams echo'ing down the hall.   

I called the school 45 minutes later to see if he had calmed down.   As soon as the secretary answered, I could hear my angel, er jekyl screaming in the background.    Apparantly he calmed down sometime after that.

I finally got hold of the new counsellor that started on Friday.  She touched base with me and will be touching base with Ethan and having a few chats, etc with him.   She assured me that it is not much to worry.  

ah, yeah.

Anyways, the past few days seemed to be pretty good and here's hoping that the rest of the week is as successful.

It's been emotional and stressful, and most of all difficult to hold myself together and not shed any of my anxiousness/stress/frustration on him.

The good part of this all, and yes, there is good stuff.   He is fine after he settles down and is as happy as a clam afterschool with all his friends on the playground .  It's as if nothing occurered in the a.m. and he's his happy go lucky self. 

I love him to bits, but good god  I need to get my hair done after this - the grey's are popping up everywhere!!!

More...

Things are getting a little better.  DH had worked from home a few mornings and we all went into school together.  That made last half of last week, and Monday/Tuesday successful with no probs.  Yesterday was allright, as it was Cam's first day of playschool, and Ethan was excited for him, knowing that it was in the building next to his school.   Today went fine, but the tears and a little reluctance appeared.  No anger or physical reactions though, other than a little sadness.  

Tomorrow is Friday and family night.  If tomorrow goes well, Ethan's family night is at a local play place in the afternoon/dinner rather than the movie night.   I think he's very excited about it, and it's a reward for getting through the last week and a half without the big outbursts.

Grade 1

is not going well.   Major anxiety, fear and anger about going.  Full blown tantrums getting ready, on the way, and entering the school.  "cool down" in the office like a caged animal.

in front of everyone. 

moms trying not to look at me, or looking at me with that "i've been there look".  oh no you haven't.  have you had your 61 pound kid physically out of control in your death grip and raged and screaming that he wants to go home in front of 30-40 odd parents and their kids in the hallways?   I trying to hold my head up high, and sucking back the stinging tears hoping they won't overflow for everyone to see...walking as quickly as I can without drawing any further attention to myself. 

 only one day without resistance, the day he figured his tooth was loose.

i totally lost control today.  I screamed. loud.  it wasn't pretty.   i even phoned my husband and screamed a voicemail to him.   i removed any bit of interesting things from his room.   I told him he would stay home today and remain in his room. no toys. no fun sheets, no nothing.   about 15 minutes later he decided he wanted to go to school again.  

it's been 7 days of school.  5 of which have been horrific.  i've tried every ounce of life in me to remain calm. today i could not.

oh no folks.  this isn't a cute and soft crying boy.   it's ugly.  and it better stop soon.   my husband has finally checked in and will be accompanying me and the boy to school every day until it ends. i'm done.