It's getting there....log cabin quilt

It takes me a long time to get things going...all I can say is that I have two kids, a dog, cat, and a husband who zap my energy and as much as I love quilting, sometimes the couch or a good book take priority....

It's gone from this...

To this...    All the blocks are complete, and now I have to sew them together into one quilt...it's a baby size.  Each block is 8" .  I'll probably finish it with a white border and a funky binding, and possibly...if I can find it...a soft chenille backing.  

I have no idea who this is for.  If someone has a baby girl, perhaps it will go to her.  Or perhaps I will donate it to someone in the children's stollery who really needs some bright girly cheer...

Will post finished pics as it gets done.

I'm sure I'll get more accomplished this week..  it's been -30c (windchill of -40) the last couple of days, and will be in the next few days.  

I have news!!!!

The baby fever has somewhat subsided!!! Hooray!!  Now, it's just a little twinge that is only apparant when I see soft pink minky fluffy fabric!

Need to quilt. Badly.   I have lots of time.  LOTS of it.  I cannot even make an excuse that i was cleaning or baking for Christmas.   I'm not in a Christmas mood, nor a cleaning mood.  I've been in this funk.  I go through it every couple of months where I'm just not into things.  

Dh's work has been a whirlwind once again and  making me slowly decline into a weird creepy lady.    November 28 was supposed to be the final date for announcements, then a week later..which the majority of announcements are made, and now here we sit, waiting for our announcement to come.   Goodd thing is he has a job.  

Christmas is coming.  I'm not in the mood.   It just causes clutter and stuff in my house which makes me batty.   I need clear, clutter free and bare to function well.  My dad is going on a month long cruise as of the 20th,  we're staying put in Edmonton, and dh's family is all going to Montreal to be together with a new and upcoming baby.

Feeling rather blah about it all.   Missing my mom lately as I hear all the Christmas music.  I'm not depressed about things, just disinterested.

I need to finish my quilt and then go and splurge on some fancy fabric from my favourite store.  That will always put me in a good mood.   Maybe I'll go buy some pink soft minky fabric.

Baby Fever.

It's hit me.   I don't know if it's a passing phase or something that will stay until I act upon it. 

I have sold ALL of my baby stuff except for my crib and change table.  ALL OF IT.   That's how done I was and happy with my neat two male package.   Prior to last week, I chatted to dh about how wonder two boys are, how it's nice to have "us" back, sleep back, how easy it is that they are independent and playing with eachother, etc.   No strollers, no diapers, no bottles or mushed baby food.

And now. What the hell has happened to me?   The thought of maybe a girl, which prior to last week absolutely repulsed me, now intrigues me and tugs at me.   Pink purple dolls and shoe shopping all dance in my head.

And yes, I've considered that I have a 50% chance of boy or girl.  

It's just a blip, I'm sure.   Or is it?   My online friends all cautiously step away and don't comment.  Do they not know how it's eating me up?

I have finally found a family doctor last month.  One that we could easily make the snip procedure appointment for dh.   Finally!   

I had 3 offers to buy my crib and change table, which I listed 3 weeks ago on craigslist...and now?  I've neglected to get back to them.  Something won't let me sell them!

I'm praying and wishing for received vibes that this will pass over me and i'll be ready to make that snippy appointment. 

sigh

Ever have those times that you feel like you're  being taken advantage of? 

Remembrance Day in Canada

Today, November 11, at 11am we take two minutes to remember those who have served, sacrificed and stood proud to protect our country, keep us free and safe...

Halloween 2008

Well, here you have it...  back to quilting now.  I've learned that garment sewing makes me very grouchy and I do not enjoy the mess of tissue, interfacing, fibrefill and pattern crap all over the place.  At least with quilting, it's little pieces that can fit nicely into containers and no other crap around.

Log cabin on the go. 

Halloween

Well, I've had it really easy the last few years with Halloween.  My kids are so easy going, and really don't take costuming too seriously.   

This year, Ethan wanted to be a dinosaur.  We couldn't find any at the stores, other than the cutesy baby/toddler ones.   Then, as easy going as he is, suggested an animal.   Meh.  

So I went to the fabric store and found a so-so pattern for a dinosaur costume.  Then I found wonderful (and cheap) green fabric and scaley fabric.   I'm building the costume now, and it's tricky. 

It's revived my love of sewing garments...I used to sew alot in my teens, really well.   It's also reminded me of how much I hate cutting out pattern tissue and fabric, and marking the fabric.   But the whole building process is so much fun.

The body of the costume is done, including the scaley spine.  Now onto the head, feet and hands, and I will reveal the product soon.  Obviously before Halloween.

The best reward of all is Ethan.   He is just beaming when he tries on the costume, and loves his tail and his spine.   And it is not even close to being done.   Can't wait to see his expression when it's all done.

Although quilting is still my favourite...I have a desire to sew a winter coat for myself.   I may just sneak that in.

Shreddies and the NEW diamond Shreddies.

I loved Shreddies as a kid.  Remember the 100% whole wheat squares cereal that would eventually mush up if you left them too long in the milk? I still remember waking up extra early on Saturday mornings to watch the Jetsons, poured myself a huge bowl of Shreddies and piled a layer of sugar on top.    Loved loved loved them.

Now, Shreddies has a new marketing campaign which I think is the cutest and cleverest thing...they have now come out with "diamond" shaped Shreddies.   They haven't changed at all.  They're just doing a silly spin.

As I was walking around Zellers today, I had a good giggle about the newest gimmick - The new and improved Diamond Shreddies COMBO pack!  You get 1/3 of the regular shreddies combined with the diamond shreddies in the box!! OMG I just loved the cleverness of this marketing!!  

For any of my American readers (do I have any?)  Shreddies appear to be only a Canadian cereal (kind of like ketchup chips)

www.diamondshreddies.ca

Getting the urge

Isn't it funny how once the weather starts to change, the hibernation and cozy mode sets in?   I feel the urge to quilt again.  finally. 

Well, it was a hellish month of September so no desire there...

Ethan's doing well!! It's been a week of more success!  I'm so proud of him!  

Woohoo!!!

Four out of Five days without any major outbursts... a few grumbles, but no "scenes"!!!

The kicker.

One of the forefront thoughts that always come to my head.  

I've taught for 10 years, 5 of them in one of the toughest schools in the lower mainland.  Chairs thrown, lockdown mode, crazy maniacal children upsets.   I can handle all those situations and even help them improve.  But my own kid?  I can't "cure". 

   Maybe he knows me so well, he just knows what buttons to push.   The attachment apparantly is better than I thought. 

I'm a teacher, I've been trained in this!  I have read hundreds of discipline and child development psychology books.  How can this happen????

Some progress

Major tantrum about going to school on Monday again.   Totally blew me away as he was totally calm, ready to go, no warning signs except for a small "my tummy doesn't feel good".   

He ran into the playground and played with his friends, ran together with his friends to the school, where he put on his brakes and froze as soon as he passed the bootroom.   I was able to walk/drag him to his coat hook where he firmly planted himself in his no position, in his ready to fight to the bitter end attitude.  I of course had to leave, and the EA took over, as I heard the screams echo'ing down the hall.   

I called the school 45 minutes later to see if he had calmed down.   As soon as the secretary answered, I could hear my angel, er jekyl screaming in the background.    Apparantly he calmed down sometime after that.

I finally got hold of the new counsellor that started on Friday.  She touched base with me and will be touching base with Ethan and having a few chats, etc with him.   She assured me that it is not much to worry.  

ah, yeah.

Anyways, the past few days seemed to be pretty good and here's hoping that the rest of the week is as successful.

It's been emotional and stressful, and most of all difficult to hold myself together and not shed any of my anxiousness/stress/frustration on him.

The good part of this all, and yes, there is good stuff.   He is fine after he settles down and is as happy as a clam afterschool with all his friends on the playground .  It's as if nothing occurered in the a.m. and he's his happy go lucky self. 

I love him to bits, but good god  I need to get my hair done after this - the grey's are popping up everywhere!!!

More...

Things are getting a little better.  DH had worked from home a few mornings and we all went into school together.  That made last half of last week, and Monday/Tuesday successful with no probs.  Yesterday was allright, as it was Cam's first day of playschool, and Ethan was excited for him, knowing that it was in the building next to his school.   Today went fine, but the tears and a little reluctance appeared.  No anger or physical reactions though, other than a little sadness.  

Tomorrow is Friday and family night.  If tomorrow goes well, Ethan's family night is at a local play place in the afternoon/dinner rather than the movie night.   I think he's very excited about it, and it's a reward for getting through the last week and a half without the big outbursts.

Grade 1

is not going well.   Major anxiety, fear and anger about going.  Full blown tantrums getting ready, on the way, and entering the school.  "cool down" in the office like a caged animal.

in front of everyone. 

moms trying not to look at me, or looking at me with that "i've been there look".  oh no you haven't.  have you had your 61 pound kid physically out of control in your death grip and raged and screaming that he wants to go home in front of 30-40 odd parents and their kids in the hallways?   I trying to hold my head up high, and sucking back the stinging tears hoping they won't overflow for everyone to see...walking as quickly as I can without drawing any further attention to myself. 

 only one day without resistance, the day he figured his tooth was loose.

i totally lost control today.  I screamed. loud.  it wasn't pretty.   i even phoned my husband and screamed a voicemail to him.   i removed any bit of interesting things from his room.   I told him he would stay home today and remain in his room. no toys. no fun sheets, no nothing.   about 15 minutes later he decided he wanted to go to school again.  

it's been 7 days of school.  5 of which have been horrific.  i've tried every ounce of life in me to remain calm. today i could not.

oh no folks.  this isn't a cute and soft crying boy.   it's ugly.  and it better stop soon.   my husband has finally checked in and will be accompanying me and the boy to school every day until it ends. i'm done.

The School Year is about to begin...

It hasn't even started yet, and I'm missing him already. I'm hoping there's no anxiety on his part and that he enjoys his new class.  He will be gone for such a long day. School starts at 8:30 and ends at 3:30 here.   He will be tired.  His little brother will miss him so much.  I'm going to miss him. I hope he makes some good friends and they will accept him for his gentle nature and his kind and caring ways.  He's not a rough and tumble boy.  He's very empathetic, cares for animals, environment and has not an aggressive bone in his body.   Even though I have Cameron at home, it won't be the same.  We're such a team right now, and we are always snuggling and playing and laughing and doing things together.   I'm going to miss you big guy.  But I know you're going to love school... 

I know this is an older picture, but it so captures your warmth, smile and love of life...

Fabric Bargains....

Anyone who shops at a quilt shop knows that the fabrics range from 13-18 dollars per meter here in Canada.   I'm in the middle of doing  a scrappy quilt like this one  except mine is in bright bold black and white, with fushia, greens, reds....stay tuned for the results.  Should be very bright.  Anyways, as scrappy as it is, I didn't have enough fabric, so I had to buy a couple pieces to get me through.

As I was shopping I gravitated to the bargain corner, and lo and behold they had Denyse Schmidt fabrics, Moda, Free Spirit fabrics galore... for $5 a meter!  Oh my gosh, I was in heaven, and also in confusion.  Anyone who knows me knows that I have a hard time making a decision.  So this is what I picked up today.  I'm going back this week sans kidlets to do some more thorough shopping there again.  I couldn't decide on the DS fabrics, so I resisted and just bought these for now...

   

Meet our new robot

Isn't he gorgeous?  

After living with my MIL for two weeks and watching hers magically transform her floors, and hearing how the rest of the inlaws have one,  I went out and purchased one.  myself.  A totally expensive, frivolous and so exciting purchase!   He's wonderful! Charming, he plays a tune when he starts, when he docks back at his station.   He whizzes around table legs, under my kitchen table and through all the obstacles of my main floor.  He does carpet too, but I'm just using him now for my hardwood/tile and floor mats.   He is wonderful.  Handy, tidy and and independent thinker.

As I said to my friends...how come I don't excited about designer clothes and shoes.  I could easily buy a coach bag or a pair of manolo blahniks (sp) but I'd rather have this dude.  Much more gratifying.

He's so wonderful! Did I say that already?  The kids love him too....see the dinosaurs going for a ride?

Highly recommended if you don't have one. 

Afterthoughts...

So after not much contemplation, I'm going to keep my blog open for now.  It doesn't do much harm to keep it open, and when I feel like posting, I will. 

 I think I really needed my vacation to recharge, and rethink things.  I'm coming down from the major stresses of possibly moving cross country (thank god that's over with), moving to another city in this province,  to buying a tent trailer(not this year), to selling our suv, to mil with cancer, to dad moving house, to buying a minivan, to major meltdowns in my 5 year old (which have now subsided).  Some days, I honestly was so thankful to have the internet and blogs to read and escape in.  Other days, I felt so totally wasteful of time, nothing accomplished.   Yet, it really helped me get through some of the monotony of the everyday stuff being alone with my kids and all the heavy thinking to do in my adult life.  

Yes, I'll blog, no I won't stress when I don't have time to blog or anything really to say.

Like now.

I'd like to introduce a new family member to you....I'll post about it later.

Back

Back from our trip... I'll be shutting down my blog in a week or so after I figure out how and what to do with all my posts.  Try and print it somehow.   I may start another one for my quilts, as I frequently read and follow a few quilter bloggers whom I'm sure would like to reciprocate the read. 

I'll be on facebook, and check up on that regularily...as well as my bcbabes who know most of my what's happenings anyways.   

My goal is to slim down my blog reads, my time personally blogging, and my forum reads.   considering withdrawing my subscription to a parenting forum here in my area as well, as I just need to scale down. 

Look who turned three years old on the 17th!

A cool drink at the beach
 At the outdoor ice cream shop!
Jumping Jupiter!  he wasn't even afraid!
Happy Birthday to you sweet pumpkin!
Big brother showing Cam the ropes!

Adios Amigos...

Going on my vacation....  hope everyone stays happy and healthy.

Contemplating shutting down my blog and keeping the millions of thoughts trapped in my head, rather than in cyberspace.

Computers are such a time waster and one of the things I intend to do is pare down my blog reading and forum readings.  It just zaps too much time, and before you know it, time has flown by and accomplishments, or lack thereof, have to.

I'm becoming old fashioned with my age...trying to simplify, declutter, etc.  I need to renovate myself.

Dinosaur Quilt

Well, it's probably the easiest scrap quilt, no pattern quilt that I could make, yet it took me forever.   I had purchased the dinosaur fabric on my New York trip, from The City Quilter.  Only bought 1/2 yard of each.  I was so overwhelmed with all the gorgeous stuff, that I really didn't have a plan for a quilt.  So I thought 1/2 yard would suffice.   I probably needed more for a more substantial pattern, but I just concocted this on my own. 

I took lots of time off from quilting.  Had some weeks of no production at all. Procrastinating, summer things to do. But it's done.   It's not perfect, but the boys adore it.     I used the ultra soft minky fabric on the back which is so cuddly and warm.  There is minky fuzz everywhere in my sewing space right now, which I'll have to tackle with the vacuum soon.  I used minky for the binding as well, which wasn't as difficult as I thought.    This was also a great project to practice my meandering stitch on, as if it's not perfect the kids don't care, right?

Also, this was my first project using spray adhesive to baste the layers together.  OMG I will never go back!  I had no puckers at all, and no problems with shifting.  It was awesome. 

still trying to tackle tension problems with the bobbin thread tension at times.   Sometimes, just stopping, snipping, and restarting helped.  I think a bit of it may be just my speed and the rate at which I move my fabric.  Still working on that.  

I'm debating washing the quilt right away...I love the look of the puckery character, but I'm just enjoying and feeling proud of the work I did right now.

Still two more quilts to machine quilt, but I have an itch to start a new project. We'll see.

The beauty of Alberta..

Everyone says Alberta is ugly and flat...yes it is in some parts, but there are many parts that I find absolutely breathtaking. 

I love the canola fields in the early summer.  This is just northeast of us near the town of Mundare.    All that's missing is the huge ominous black thunder clouds...

Myrtle Beach Bound!!!

Well, mil is feeling much better, not 100%, but is on the road to recovery, and she really wants us to come down and stay with them for our holidays.  Woohoo!! We're very excited and relieved too.  The kids LOVE to see them, and the holiday down there is so perfect for us.   We just really have to pay for our airfares and of course we pitch in for food and gas...but we have the house, the community pool, the golf cart paths to bike on and of course, the beach, the shopping (OMG IT"S BEEN SINCE MAY THAT I"VE GONE SHOPPING!!)  and the fun touristy stuff. There's a new HardRockCafe theme park  and our favourite Broadway at the Beach.   We stay in Pawleys Island, which is south of Myrtle Beach, a sleepy town with huge old trees with moss hanging down. The beaches there are quiet, lonely and white soft sand. The kids love to play there.

I can't wait to see the old southern homes, the beautiful scenery...and of course, my inlaws.   I'm so lucky to have them as my inlaws.  I know some people really dread visits with theirs, but me...I feel so grateful to have a mom and dad like them.  The only gripe I have is that they would come and visit us more often, but they usually reverse the idea and help us out with airfares, so we can have a holiday down there with them instead.  Makes sense, who wants to visit up here anyways? ;-)  

So in August, I get to warm up and complain about the humidity of South Carolina.   Not a bad complaint. 

Remember, you can click on the photo to enlarge it and see more detail...

The things I love.... a refreshing post

Oh my gosh...look who is interested in photography!  Ha!




I love to garden...my garden has been so LATE this year!  My lilies have just started flowering and it's almost mid July!  Anyways, here's how the garden is coming along...not all has bloomed yet, but we're getting there.    This year, I threw a few lettuce seeds and tomato plants in one of the side gardens by the house.  I'll take pics of there later.  The lettuce is HUGE, and if anything, it's a very cool looking green plot :-)  I have no idea of the names of some of these....

Jane - please note the bee on my purple flowers.  They LOVE the two purple bushes (one is lavender, the other I'm not sure)  

Update

Dh returned back from his weekend to Halifax and his biggie interview.   Halifax was gorgeous apparantly, lots of gorgeous places to live, tons of lakes and countryside.  Peggy's Cove was breathtaking.    He was really pumped about it all, until his interview.  

 He didn't get a really good feeling about the company.   It seemed like they were grilling him on things that really didn't mean much.   dh asked some very important questions which the various executives couldn't answer to well.  They still didn't have a real plan in place or org structure for the job he was interviewing for.  He got the sense that the company was disorganized and didn't have a business plan for their decision making.    The attitude there is, do it, and then figure it out later.   dh wasn't impressed by that.   Also, he got the sense that development opportunities were not fostered or encouraged.  The owner and CEO, seemed to be the rich bratty son who inherited the position because he was family, not based on credentials.   He just got an uneasy feeling - leaving a big company who has trained him, encouraged growth and development in him and then leave that for a disorganized fly by the seat of your pants company?  

When interviewing dh, they were always grilling him on how he got to such a high position, from xx position to xxxx position (the technical aspect) and comparing the big corporation vs them attitudes.   The interview went well, but dh didn't get a good feeling about the company and that it would be a place with lots of labour issues in his opinions.  There's alot more details of course, which I will not bore you with, but he just didn't get a good feeling about the people there. 

He said he's very disappointed, as we have been on such a high and low pendulum for the last few months, but at least he knows that it's not a company for him.   He loved Halifax, and was very prepared to accept an offer, but after the interview, will likely decline.  In fact, he said he's calling the recruiter today to let him know he is not interested in the position.

I mean who knows...they may not have been keen on Trent either, but he's going to put the "not interested" word in first. 

*sigh*  disappointing,  but relieving too.   A great experience for dh ....  a roller coaster for me.

Now he has a 2nd interview with his current company for a position in Calgary. Not sure how I feel about that, but we are encouraged and are feeling more positive with staying with the current company after the learning experience from the Halifax company.  

Onwards and upwards.   Where will the next few months lead us?  I expect we will be here again for the next while.   Perhaps Vancouver is still waiting for us, perhaps something neato in Oregon or Washington,  and the higher beings are just putting things into place for us.   

Thanks for bearing with me as I type away my feelings and experiences.  If you think reading this blog is exhausting, think of how I'm feeling. 

The one thing I absolutely hate, is the amount of time wasted in researching, looking on the mls, gov't websites, etc.... when I SHOULD be researching and participating in the things I love.  

It finally ended...

After four long years....I can't believe I have to say this.   Ethan has finally said that Thomas the Tank engine is no longer his favourite thing on earth.   His interests/obsessions now are dinosaurs.  It's been a few months now, but the icing on the cake was when it was time to pick out colours for his and Cam's bedrooms.   He chose a greenish/brown colour because it's a dinosaur colour.    Cameron wanted blue, so we did his room blue and made it slightly Thomas with the removable wall stickers, etc.    I think Ethan was satisfied with that as he's still has a big heart for Thomas, but I think he's thinking it's too young for him.  

So...we have a Thomas room now, simple, but nice.   Next is a "dinosaur" room, where we'll paint his walls and find some wall stickers/posters of dinosaurs for his room :-)

I love that my boys are simple and don't care for a lot of complicated things.   Happy to find a dinosaur sticker and slap it on the wall, you know?  

I still love Thomas and always will.  

Pro's and Cons

Vancouver -

- wait it out some more...perhaps another year or two until something comes up.

- probably no paid move

- stay with the big company which is like a roller coaster of love/hate with dh

- higher housing prices. I will most likely need to work to help us afford life in Vancouver without having to stress about money all of the time.

-family is there. 

-years of friendships are there

-beauty of the land

-diversity of people

-lots of traffic and hell commutes

-lots of people congestion, graffitti, more crime

-higher competition for schooling/college/university for the kids (yeah I know...that's 13 years to go, but still)

Alberta (Calgary)

-no provincial tax

-lower housing market (although a move to Calgary would be close to that of Vancouver market)

-not sure about paid move to Calgary, but it may be likely

-stay with current big company - many colleagues that dh is familiar with and has networks with

-same pay

-no family

-one set of friends and a couple of my friends from long long ago ( does that count? I don't know if I want to reconnect closely with my "crushes" from 20 years ago)

Alberta ( where we are now)

-stay at current job, same pay

-roller coaster each week, each day of love/hate the job

-great school

-a few friends but nothing I feel strong connections to

-can be a stay at home mom for as long as I want to

-cold long winters

-no place to explore without driving for 2-3 hours

- lack of parks, trails ( I mean nature things, not the paved bike trails throughout the neighbourhoods)

Nova Scotia 

-a 10 hour drive to Montreal, where dh's family is

-closer to dh's parents who would more likely come and visit more frequently, because they are always visiting the other family in Montreal

-way cheaper housing market (we could easily be mortgage free, although we would like a few extras in our new home such as a swimming pool)

- can live on a huge plot of land for inexpensive.

- can live on a lakefront if I wanted to

-can live on oceanfront, if I wanted to

-smaller town, smaller community which I am really liking.  I like the smaller town feel of the community we are in right now...except it's very wisteria lane'ish here, and if you flush the toilet, your neighbour can here.   God, don't let me know that they have heard me fart. 

-major exploration to be enjoyed in the maritimes...the cabot trail, all of ns coastlines...a drive through new england areas for vacations...A new area to explore, which we LOVE to do.  We have really had a hard time with that here in Alberta.  We love to go for drives and discover new places, parks, areas..here we drive in any direction and get farmlands...which can be beautiful, but there's no destinations.  

-spectacular scenery, year round.  OMG my favourite month of October in the Maritimes would be a sight to see!  The maples would make me cry!

-areas rich in history and culture

-rainier weather

-cold, wet winters; cold, snowy winters

-fog

-new company to work for.  Lots of autonomy and decision making without massive red tape to get through.   National operations position, a promotion

-a new position means lots of extra work in the beginning while he gets to know the people and the business. (this would occur in any new job, but I'm sure this would be moreso in a new company)  More travel in the beginning across Canada (which we could tie in with visits to Vancouver when he goes)  But more travel, which I'm not a fan of.

-fresh seafood!

Fast approaching

Husband has a preliminary interview with his current company recruiter today, for the Calgary position.   It just an information gathering interview basically.  

He also has his big major final interview with the CEO and COO's  of the Halifax company next Tuesday.   He will fly out on the weekend and have a look around at neighbourhoods, city, ammenities, etc to check out the "family" aspect, and then hopefully he will have a good discussion with the big wigs and get a good feel for the company.  He's adamant that as much as he loves the idea of the beauty of Halifax, the "fit" in the company culture is really important to him.  I don't blame him.   This is a step up, and if he's working with a bunch of wads, what kind of life will it be for us?

They wanted to fly me out too, and as much as I really want to go (holiday in Halifax in summer?) I declined, because I really want dh to be objective and focussed on the job front rather than all of the wonderful romanticized things I will bring to the table....the scenery, the CapeCod house on 2 acres of land for peanuts...the lighthouses, ocean, zillions of lakes and parks...whale watching..lobster festivals...small communities...  See? I'm a dreamer!  

We still worry about leaving the big company dh currently works for, as we have been with them for so long.   The Halifax company is a big company, but not as huge as current one.   Sometimes change is good though too.   But we want to make sure.   

Our original plans from months ago were Vancouver.  We would still love to be there, but after the last few visits and family changes, we don't want to have to be mortgage poor and both work full time  to survive.  We don't want the nutso commutes.  We've been spoiled here in Alberta by lower housing costs, insurance costs, less traffic.  The beauty of Vancouver, the friends and family are what really pull us, but we wonder again, if we get back there...life has continued for everyone, and things will not be the same.   Last time I was there, I really felt the congestion, competition, hurriedness.  I don't know how to explain it.   The big one to me was, the family house is no longer ours, and it's like I don't have a place there anymore.  

Weird.   Next post... pros and cons.

two freight trains approaching each other at 100mph

Halifax wants to fly us out for a family tour and a final interview/job offer July 7.

In the meantime, Trent has applied on a job that came up in Calgary for his current company, different position.  Interviewing most likely in a week or so.   Most suitable candidate so far.

Calgary is safe.  Same company. Same people. Same bureaucracy, idiotic hours and all consuming work/life imbalance.  Different job.  No closer to Vancouver...but a nicer city.

Halifax is exciting.  Different company. Big risk of jumping ship.   Less "security" in that he's the newbie on the block vs having the 11 years of dedication to current company.   More autonomy, greater position, possibly more travel in the beginning (as in the Calgary job too)Possibility of all consuming work/life imbalance..but possibility not.   Way farther away from family/friends network.  Smaller city, probably a better upbringing and more educational possibilities as the kids get older.  I dunno...but small city may mean smaller possibilities too. 

Some days I just wish someone would make it easy and tell us what to do.

I love the sense of adventure, a new city, an new place....Calgary I'm a little more reserved about, higher cost of living, still no closer to BC...

I'm worried about the sense of jumping ship of a big corporation and going "new", the unknown future.  In his big corporation now, there's a (false) sense of security there. 

I'm going to play yahtzee with the options..  Roll the dice and see what they say. 

Oy.

Happy Birthday to my honey!

It was Trent's birthday yesterday, and he was such a great sport - we ordered a dinosaur cake for him (I wonder whose idea that was?) The dinosaurs were a big hit, and a big argument too. The kids played with those silly things for hours, and still today too!  They make roaring noises and a red light  shines out of their mouths.   Drove me up the wall!!

I bought him a bike and a set of adirondack chairs for us to lounge by the fire this summer - only problem was that he had to assemble them ;-)    Now we all have bikes, except for Cameron, but we do have a trailer for him to tow along in. I'm thinking of picking up a little bike for him to try this summer...we'll see.

Anyways...I'm so glad we celebrated together my love! You're the best!  

A fun day at the park

Trent's work put on a family day at the park today.  It was fun, despite the clouds threatening, and then finally deciding to let loose and pour rain.   My munchkins both got their faces painted, and they loved the bouncy things (what are they called?) that were provided.

I forgot to post about my BC Trip!

So, I never did an update of my trip back to BC.   It was very intense and quick, but got a lot done.  Lots of eye opening and more objectivity of living there - huge housing prices,  gas is way more expensive, traffic has increased alot over the last 2 years and graffiti seems to be alot worse too.  But it was so clean smelling, so lush, so green so gorgeous. :)

Day one went okay. I am the golden child according to my brother, as my dad did not rant at me. That's because I don't let him rant at me and I tell him off. My sister turtles and absorbs it all and my brother ignores him and let's it slide off his back. Me, I cut him off and tell him off. He started going on yesterday about my sis and bro and I interceded quickly and harshly, NO dad, I'm here to work, I don't wanna here it. And he'd try to continue...so I'd say nope, where are you going to put this stuff. 

Went for dinner at my bro's that night and it was great to hear them all, including my nieces and nephews mimic dad and make fun of his embarassing rants and blowups. It felt good to laugh about it rather than stew about it.  It's kind of like that old saying, you can choose to laugh or cry... 

on the following days it was a very hectic weekend, but I got alot done and I'm no longer the golden child as my dad yelled at me  Was feeling rather awful that I was the one that dad was reasonable with.  But I yakked back at him and told him to calm down. He was worried because I was donating a bowl set and of course he needs at least 20 of them for all the salads he makes.  

My allergies were going ballistic (I don't have allergies) 4 years or more of no dusting or cleaning in the frickin house. I'm SO glad we didn't go through with buying it. It needs alot of work. I did the linen closet on the first day and I swear I donated at least, at least 40 table cloths. And that's not mentioning the sheets and towels that have been kept for 40 years. (8 black bags and 4 boxes worth of house stuff on the first day)  

Oh yes, did I mention my dad had mice a couple of years back, and the mess has not all been cleaned up?  I did a few closets and low down cupboards that had not been opened in quite some time, I think.   

My advice to those with dads totally dependent on spouses for that job...force them to hire cleaning services, or force them to learn to deal on their own, don't be doing stuff for them all the time. My dad is totally hopeless, even with grocery shopping for himself, and it's quite embarassing.  

And he blames my sister for it too.  I don't know why, but he's got something against my sister (first and foremost), followed by my brother (who apparantly does nothing right and walks around with his head cut off)  and it's blatantly obvious and he verbally admonishes them in front of me.   I will not and did not tolerate it.  But I also made sure to tell my sister how she lets him do it.  And she physically cowers and corners herself.   It's unbelievable.   But it also makes me feel very guilty and wondering why I am not attacked in this way?   I feel guilty that my siblings get the rants, but I don't let it happen to me.  Why should I feel guilty about that?  Yet I do.   

  All of those mixed emotions from childhood and family dynamics flood me and make me want to stay in my safe and private world (as I blog it, HA!) here in Alberta.

Went to the Relay for Life Cancer fundraiser in Coquitlam as well... we walked for Aunt Jean, who passed last year around this time.   I know she was there with us :) It was pretty special to get together one last time to relive the Tortoises R Us Team just for Jean. :) 

Glad to be home. everything's nice and green an open spaced here. I think I'm getting accustomed to the Alberta terrain. I even turned on a country song for nostalgia as we approached Edmonton. 

************

With all the craziness and emotional strain, stress, drain and pondering, I've really kept to myself this week focussed on reading, quilting and connecting to the things I love to do.   oh yes, watched Days of Our Lives this twice this week, LIVE and not in fast forward motion on the PVR.  I'm coming out of my shell, I can feel it, and feeling someone normal again.The process was a little more emotional draining than I thought.  I bottle things up, so I don't let on how I'm doing...but my body sure feels it. Glad it's subsiding. Now if only things would progress or end on the Halifax side, we can finally sleep a little sounder.    Good god if the mls.ca website tracked our IP address, it would log lots of hours!

random thoughts...

since my trip back to bc, i've had many thoughts about my life recently.  

I'm homesick almost always in the last of the winter months.

I'm living for what I had back home, and not living for what I could have here...meaning I need to get out of the past and concentrate on where my future is, and embrace the possibilities right now.  

Now that the family home is sold, its like there's nothing left for me back home.   The only thing really getting me back there was the connection to "home".  It's sold now, so I'm not feeling that connected anymore.  A little free and excited, a little sad. Now that dad will be in a condo in New Westminster, I don't feel as much of a connection to Coquitlam anymore...I think it's the family home and those memories are a closed chapter now.

My future feels right now, still uncertain, but I feel alot more free to make a decision for my own family, and not have the guilt of "home".   Very hard to explain.  

After 9 months of kindergarten, I'm so thrilled with Ethan's schooling, and the future prospects at the school he is in now.  

I know we still want a larger property, and I know I will feel very home there.   Whether it is here in Alberta on a small acreage, or in Halifax or wherever it may take us.   I want my kids to be able to run free and kick the ball, and not worry about my 2.5 year old kicking the ball over the fence because my yard is so small.  *rollleyes*

A present from my cat.

Last night was gorgeous.  We all sat around our fireplace for a few hours, roasted marshmallows...the kids played, the dog lounged in front of the fire (how she can do that, I don't know)  even the cat was lounging with us too.  It was a fabulous evening.   I made my drink of lemonade with raspberry vodka, and lots of ice (a favourite right now) and enjoyed the evening.  It didn't get dark out until just before 11pm last night! Wowza!

This morning - I was greeted at the door with a present from my cat left at the sill.   A mouse. Blood included.   Good gawd, I almost threw up.   Luckily Trent hadn't left for his golf yet, and I got to sucker him into the disposal.  Where the heck do you put this kind of thing?  

I know it's a gift for you when a cat leaves it at the doorstep, but honestly....wouldn't a meow suffice, or even a quick purr?

So, that's not all.   about 1/2 hour later, as I was making my coffee, I'm gazing out the window watching my garden and I see Shatzi race from the bushes across the patio and under the porch.  With something in his mouth.    A bird.   I ran to the door and called his name.  Mandy went ballistic, and the dogs in the neighbourhood followed suit :-)  Scared Shatzi enough to release the bird I guess, because I saw the bird fly away with a few feathers in his wake.  It seemed unscathed the way it was flying, so I'm hoping I saved it.

I know it's nature, and it doesn't bother me that much...but a mouse?  That bothers me.   How many more are in my oasis back there that I don't know about?  My lovely evening in front of the fireplace doesn't seem so serene and safe anymore.  

On the flip side, at least he's a mouser, and can catch the fuckers.  For an 11 year old cat, I think it's pretty good.

But I'm still grossed out. 

Makes me wonder if my dream of living on an acreage needs to be refined.  *lol*  I'm sure there's plenty of critters out there.

Perseverance, Concentration, Stubborness

Quilting update.

taken with flash, in natural light

no flash, natural light

I finished off my bargello quilt top  (meaning, just the top, now I have to sandwich it, baste it, machine quilt it and put the binding on)  yesterday.   As much as I was excited to make it and do one, I'm not as thrilled about it.  It does look really cool, but maybe I took a break for too long and now I'm not as excited about it.   Note how the black beast must always take part in my quilting activities.

I cut out the beginnings of the dinosaur quilt that Ethan is so thrilled about.   The Thomas the Tank Engine quilt for Cameron is ready to go too.  I don't have a pattern I'm following, but rather piecing it in such a way that it's easy for me, yet looks nice for the boys.    

I have alot of ideas of upcoming quilts - a baby quilt for my newly pregnant friend, Lorena.

A new quilt for my niece, Lisa, who is finally getting her own room after sharing with her sister for so many years.   A quilt for my MIL who is battling cancer treatment right now and for some reason has massive back pain apparantly unrelated to the treatment (but started a week after radiation therapy...coincidence?)  I want to make a lovely navy and white quilt for her... And of course, what about me??? Haven't got a clue.   I just enjoy the prospects of making quilts for others.  

The problem?   I  LOVE piecing quilts, I LOVE the machine quilting part.   I hate the sandwiching and pin basting part.  Oh if I could figure a way to do that with less time and hassle....   and it's the step that you can't cut corners on, otherwise when you machine quilt, everything will get all puckered and mucked up. 

Need to get a new 1/4" foot for my machine, I've been eyeballing the 1/4" seam, and it's creating a little inaccuracy.  I've really noticed it on my bargello, where the seams don't all match.  Oh well.

Need to also buy some new needles for my machine...have no idea what kind.  But they are dull right now, and am noticing the thunking sound more often.