Christmas

The Christmas slaughter has finished...slaughtering of the gifts that we so carefully wrapped, that is. No pics, we did a video with our new cam, but I don't know how the heck to work it. Anyways, here's a few pics from lately.


Well crap that. Apparantly my external drive has been packed and ready to go to Myrtle Beach. That's where we're headed tomorrow. 16 of dh's family all under one roof. Oh what fun! My escape will be shopping. God help me on the plane ride.
Post later.


Happy Christmas everyone!

Making words with children

So...I work with children. And of course they say the most remarkable things sometimes.

Assisting in a class that is having a word making "competition" with the word CHRISTMAS. What 2 letter words can you make with the letters from Christmas. Three letter? sam, tam, cam, ram, mit, sit...you get the gist. So 4 letter words come up. The words are flying here...they're really getting it! So little Josh, (did I say this was grade one?) says to me quietly while this is all going on....
**Mrs.Harris I think we could do the word SHIT, but I know it's not a nice word so we can't do that one.
**What word? (doing a big head shake, did I hear that correctly?)
**SHIT...you know the word SHIT? It's not a nice word. But those are the letters from the word christmas. (imagine this with a little lisp)
**Oh yes, Josh, I understand. you're right, it probably wouldn't be very appropriate to use that word for here.
**Yes, Mrs.harris, SHIT is not a very nice word to use in school is it.
**That's right Josh, smart thinking not to use that word....what was it again? (*snicker to myself*)

**Shit.

Good Josh....what other words can you make?

Sometimes it's really hard to keep a straight face

Christmas Concert

Went extrememly well...kids were magical, parents were thrilled , and it was thrilling to put on. I had many compliments, including "I think that may have been the best one I've seen in the last 10 years!" Wow! My review....I think the kids were off tune many times, sang wayyyy to fast at times, and were chatty in between scenes/songs.

Whatever...like a friend said back in September when I was obsessing over what to do... the parents just want to see their kid look cute on stage.

Cute they did. I'll see if I can post a photo or two soon. I'll get them off the local newspaper article when it comes out.

Thrilling though, to me. I was cool as a cucumber, except when I had to play the piano...but conducting and leading was awesome. My back to the audience, I didn't need to see them, and could make faces at the kids without parents knowing. hehhe.

Psyching myself up for Christmas

I love Christmas and all, but I've really gone downhill the last few years. I mean, I grew up and things were simple. One or two gifts were what I got for Christmas, and my stocking was filled with nuts and chocolate...no "stuffers". Now it seems like just when I think I'm done, someone else pops up that I somehow "forgot". It's insane. My newest one...do I pick something up for my cleaning ladies? They clean my toilets for fuck's sakes. Gotta get them something to make up for it.

I wish things were simpler. I mean, I don't NEED anything...and to tell you the truth, if I want something or see something I like, I pretty much go and buy it myself, because I'm not a big spender on myself. So if someone asks me what I want, when I say nothing, I really mean it. Get me a magazine, and a cup of tea...take the monsterschildren out for a few hours and let me have peace and quiet for awhile.

Stocking stuffers. What the hell/who the hell thought of this? I mean...do I really have to wrap up the toothpaste I just bought you? I'm wandering the aisles at the local store guessing at any stupid item to throw into hubby's stocking. I'm so untrained at this tradition, it kills me. I think it's a bloody waste of money, time and effort. Why do I have to specifically buy after shave for his stocking? Does he really need me to WRAP a pair of socks?


Yeah yeah....I know what you're thinking. But to tell you the truth...I'd be happy with ROCKS in my stocking. At least I could use them in for drainage in my planters in the spring.

bah.

why be merry?

you know, if it's so difficult to even send a goddamn birthday card, then don't even bother with that.

My sister sucks at being cheery. It's a big stress for her to buy or send a birthday greeting, let alone a christmas one. for as long as I can remember, my christmas mornings have been dampened by her grim depressive spirits. i don't know what the fuck her problem is, but today she calls me and is totally stressed over what to get my kids for christmas. For god sakes, they're only little guys...buy them a car or a truck and your done. Is it so much to even ask to send a birthday card?

I wonder sometimes if I moved away partly to get away from my family. I speak to my SIL on the phone to toss some ideas around about gifts for the nieces and nephews, and then it launches into a few jabs about my sister. like, it's okay for ME to complain and bitch about my sister, but when someone else does it, I feel inside very defensive about it. Don't know why. It's like I hate her for being unhappy (or what seems like it) all the time, and yet when someone else remarks about it I get all "hurt" about it.

So on to the moving away thing..... I sometimes reflect and think I moved away really to get awy from my family. I miss getting together with them once in awhile, but I don't miss the politics and the unspoken turbulence. I sometimes feel like I was adopted...I feel so different than my sister and brother...and being that way, I like to be AWAY from them so I don't feel guilty about being different.

My boys

Okay three posts in one day. I've got alot on my mind.

School is going really well.

Home is just awful right now. My DH's eldest son is on major defiancy lately and has had lots of time outs for the last 5 days. I don't know where the hell the old E has gone, but the one that has been living here for the last week really sucks. Parenting has been the toughest most challening thing for me ever to face. I used to think I was very even keeled and patient, but devil child E has certainly disproved this theory. I'm really faced with controlling my own anger and frustration on daily basis right now. Thank god DH and I "tag" team, so I can or he can have a break. I know they all go through phases, and this clearly is just one of the many I'm to face.

Daycare is going very well, and there are no issues there.

Little guy is doing fine..I bet he's observing every moment and learing about how to push my buttons in a few months...just... at...the ...right...time.

they are so fricken smart.

Snow Forts

The team building that I saw happening outside today at lunch was amazing. The behaviour kids, the "cliques" of kids that don't necessarily mix outside, were all involved in several architectural developments in the snow.

The wind has built up snow drifts off the side walks of the school. The benches are mostly totally covered, so you can walk overtop of the bench seat, and not realize that you are walking ontop of the bench. Lots of snow.

Anyways, these little beavers were working away at several snow forts. Tunnels, seats, walls, windows, igloos inside of forts, slides going down into the tunnel, into a "resting area". The comraderie, the team work and the intensity was outstanding.

They've been working on these forts since last week in -20 weather. Today was nice and mild at +1. As the bell went and they were on their way inside, they were already planning the next blueprints to add on for the next day.

How can one channel that amazing "culture" into the classroom, I wonder?

Christmas Concert Intensity Builds

So this week I'm doubling, tripling and quadrupling classes for building up groups for my concert. A death wish by Friday i'm sure. I haven't told the kids, they just show up and are like ...woah cool, I can sing with my friends! our school is run by a bell system....every 1/2 hour the bell goes, indicating a new period begins. So normally every 1/2 hour they change classes/subjects like robots.

bell rings with my grade 4 and 6 classes in music. i hear it. sing sing sing ignore. you can see the sweat pouring off of some of their foreheads. but... the ... bell MRS HARRIS THE BELL!!! Panic setting in. The bell went we have to go. sing sing sing, ignore...let panic set in more. ehhehe.

Then I tell them at the end of the song. Oh, we may be here for the next hour....I have you for as long as I like, my pretties....I say in my devillish voice. bwahahahaha.... groans and eye rolling are the usual what I expect.

Cheering and yahooing is what I get. Can we stay all afternoon some of them call out. I'm thinking partially that they like it because they don't have to do written work...but I keep em really busy and active and STANDING up (and they hate that!)

These kids LOVE music. We have been doing this concert thing since November 1st and they still love every moment of it. the acting, the dancing, the singing the performing...they LOVE it.


Should be fun. It's all student made, performance, decorations, dance moves etc. I've guided them through it, and they've had input every step of the way. So it's not a broadway musical, nor is it top notch performance that would win awards, but the joy that the peformance is bringing to the kids, and especially to me, is so worth it.

I hope the parents are as proud as I am. :)

A reason not to become a teacher

You're sick all the fucking time. I have been sick since the end of September. It's been a cold merged in with a flu, continued on with a cold then rolling over into yet another cold. I'm sick of being sick! Now I have a voice that cuts in and out so I don't know if it's laryngitis or just the icky phlegm being stuck on my vocal chords from time to time. I dunno.

I love what I do, but I'd really love to be able to bend over for once and not feel like my head will explode from pressure, or my nose will drip suddenly.

It's all in those snot posts I've been writing about. they don't know how to cough, or to use kleenex and/or wash their hands frequently. To top it off it's so damn cold out that we can't open the windows to freshen the stale germy air.

I hate being sick.

I did it!

Go me!!! I figured out how to post links to others' blogs! Yay! Scary to think that I took computer programming in highschool and first year university. My times have changed. I feel like a complete moron looking at the codes now! Part of me wants to surrender to the techno change and just plead helpless, but the other part of me wants to still be in the game.

Well, at least I figured this part out. :)

It's over

It's over. I'm going cold turkey. My toffee addiction must come to an end. Will stop today.

Watch for signs of bitchiness.

My boys - testing a few features here...bear with me

My boys.....I still am in awe that I created these monsters beings from one little cell in my body.

Go me!

ColdFucking Cold

Today was very cold. For some reason, as a teacher, I have to supervise three days a week on my lunch hours outside for 1/2 hour. Not bad to get some fresh air I guess (more on my gripes later) Today was fucking cold. I was already cold inside, and therefore when I put my big unfashionable mountain gear parka on, it did not keep me warm at all. I needed a balaklava, however the fuck that's spelled. My face was frozen, I wore a hat. But my cheekbones and my lips honestly were so cold that they stiffened up.

Wahhhh.. whiny bitch I am.

And onto bitching. I have NO breaks at school right now and I'm getting resentful about it. It'll calm down after the concert at Christmas, but I'm festering already. Both recesses are taken up by "auditions" for the play...leading into next weeks practices for the play. My lunch hours 3 days a week are outside supervising. The other 2 lunch hours are leading my choir kids in their practices/rehearsals. I basically wolf down 1/2 my sandwich...or eat my cereal cube by cube WITHOUT the milk because I'm in a hurry. The rest of my days are spent chowing down on caramels for caloric intake only.

Food

My newest favourite? Toffee and caramels. The chewier the better....limbers my jaw up, and a nightmare for my teeth. Luckly, I've only got one possible filling that could come out. heee hee My pockets always have a few in them. Not good for me. at. all. My pack has almost emptied, this included tootsie rolls of all kinds which were just the left over halloween candy...bute toffees were so amazing...my favourite being the rum flavourited ones. Must. ween. slowly.

Also my favourite and newest daily after school snack....smoke oysters and smoked mussels. A whole tin, in one sitting. Not that huge, but well, it's so yummy, how can you leave 1/2 a tin behind? Ah such a pleasant breath which I'm sure DH appreciates when he kisses me hello.

Jeez

For crying out load I just want to figure out a few things here and my brain is so technically inept , I can't.

I want to be able to show a "cross out" feature, as if I'm crossing out a word. Not too important.

Also want to link to others' blogs...you think I could manage that?
nope.

doesn't help that I have whiny-touch-everything-I-can-to-piss-mommy-off hanging off the desk here.


will make my blog nicer someday. *sigh*

Uh yes...another SNOT post

Dear student,

If you have a cold, you need to blow your nose. No, you don't just squeeze your nostrils as if you were wringing the juice out of a lemon. You need to BLOW. Yes BLOW. OUTWARDS. That would prevent your 3 inch long snot slime from appearing before US in the middle of our guided reading lesson. No it is not polite to cover, scratch that, WIPE your nose with your polar fleece sweater arm while I offer you a kleenex.

Now onto blowing. Blowing frees the sinuses of extra mucus.... you know, the stuff that you keep snorting back and swallowing? This does, indeed, offer me an excuse not to be hungry, but I really don't care to visualize the amount of mucus in your sinuses.

I love you lots, and love to read with you, but please....do something about the slime.

Mrs. H.

p.s. DO NOT TOUCH MY PENCILS!

PMS

All my life, since the beginning of my periods I have never experienced PMS...nor have I experienced cramps, etc. Maybe the odd headache and cravings for food during my period, but not mood swings, depression, anger etc.

After my 2nd child, I feel like that has changed. How can that change? I don't know if it's PMS< but it occurs about a week before...I've been tracking for a few months now, because I find myself in a rage at times, and I look down at my little pill package and lo and behold it's about a week before the bitch sets in.

I find myself getting very upset at things that dh does, and my anger threshold is very little. I really have to control myself in front of the kids, especially ethan, as anything he does can trigger me to yell.

Could this be pms,or is this just the stresses of life taking over me? How do I get rid of it? I do not like the person I morph into around that time. Need to give warnings to dh about this next time.

Ugly Betty

Last night's episode, again...totally relate to. She had to review a posh upscale hotel in New York. There she is trying to use outlandish language to describe her adventure, and yet she personally would use "nice, fun, beautiful, good, excellent" VOB words, as I say to my kids in class... Vague, Overused and Boring. She was trying so hard to "fit in" yet it just wasn't her thing.

Her clutzy antic this episode made me rewind 4 times to watch it over. She backs up to sit into a "chair" and the chair tips over and she gets trapped in it.


In other news, my Remembrance Day Assembly went off very well....lots of misty eyes in the audience... ah...that's the sign I did a job well done. Only thing I didn't like, is that I was so involved in the process that I couldn't relax to take time and "remember" like I should have.


5 day weekend. Report cards on the horizon...will tackle them on Monday. Haircut this weekend, and we're going to "rocket run" as Ethan calls it, to go sledding. It's a 5 minute jaunt across our neighbourhood...a little bunny hill perfect for kids sledding...and not a huge workout to climb up either. :)

Ice is slippery. Get it?

Jesus fucking christ.....one thing I've learned in the last 3 weeks of snow/ice is that some people who drive here think they're invincible on icy roads. Especially the ones with pickup trucks. The road sign says MAXIMUM speed 100 km/hr you jerk.... so if conditions are slick, then slow the fuck down. There has not been a day that I haven't driven past a car/truck in the ditch on my way to work. Okay....you know when the road has snow on it, and there are shiny, bumpy reflective mirror like patches on the road at -15 celcius? Um yeah! That would be ice you gimrod.

Since getting my new vehicle, I feel much more confident on the road but that doesn't mean that I'm invincible! I''d really like to travel at my 100km/hr speed limit again soon....but I'm not an idiot, and won't put my self in danger. I'd rather take an extra 3 minutes to get to work thank you very much.

Pass me if you think that 85 is too slow when there is no pavement showing on the road. I'm sticking to slow. I can't fucking see where the middle line is, nor where the grey cement is...nor where the road becomes ditch.

Slow and steady wins the race.

clothes

i've lost a lot of weight. I'm complaining about it though, because i hate to shop for myself for clothes. What's frustrating, is that this is my 3rd round of buying clothes for myself because my pants are literally sagging everywhere. yeah yeah, complain away...you say. I should be rejoicing, but it's a pain in the ass when you finally found nice fiting pants and they're all too big. I bought a belt and hopefully I can extend their use. Stacy and Clinton from WNTWear say to have things altered by a tailor... I may just explore that for the pants I have. I have some awesome Levi's that I'd love to get altered.
Must beware of the halloween candy that i've been devouring this week...my ass may just fit the pants if i keep going like this.

finally, I've found a store where I don't fret about the prices, and they even have tall pants there. oh...and big deal for me! I fit their regular sizes! I fit the13 pants, and the xl tops. Go me! That's down a couple sizes from last year for sure. Anyone who's shopped the plus size departments know what a milestone this is.

Need new bras too.. my girls have shrunk. Yay for that... but boo for bra shopping. can that get any worse that swimsuit shopping?

car

bought a new one. we were considering a used one, and then decided to get the new one, because of the financing deal (1.2% over 4 years...a steal if you ask me on financing) anyways.. we got a pathfinder. it's a big mofo truck. I like it.

been a few hairy days of driving here.. the minivan is okay...and would actually be fine with snow tires probably. But where I work, I take a big highway out there...it's 4 lanes 1/2 way there...and then goes down to 2. Well for somereason, as soon as we get to the 2 lane hwy, it's like the roads clam up and all the road work/sanding/salting ends there. The rural road i need to take is only 2.5 km from the main hwy. unplowed, un salted. unsanded. a sheet of ice. Not that a pathfinder will save me, but I'm sure with the 4x4 mode, it will be a definate help in the crazier days.

always wanted a 4x4 anyways. most likely will handover the keys to the minivan in a few months anyways...the lease is almost up.

crap computer

crapped out on us over the last week and a bit. and of course, being a busy place, we didn't get around to figuring it out until just this weekend (ish).

Up and running again... all my bookmarks gone, sigh, and all my addictive username and password places are gone and forgotten. for now.

Dayhome bag

Bitch has been downgraded to bag, simply because I'm nice. I have no backbone you see. She called tonight. She wanted to see how the boys are doing. Nice huh?

Me: oh they've adjusted nicely...Ethan's adjusted really well, Cam's happy as a clam, their "teachers" are working very well with them. Ethan seems to keep very busy with all the activitiees and kids there.




Me (what I REALLY wanted to say):


They're doing fabulous. The teachers say hello to us as we enter the building. Teacher H hugs, kisses and tickles Cameron to bits as soon as she sees him in the morning. Teacher K gives Ethan a huge hug and holds his hand as she walks him into the playroom to introduce him to his playmates every morning. We say see you later alligator, and Ethan says in awhile crocodile with a big grin on his face.
I get no phone calls during the day from them, becaus they keep my kids busy, loved and nurtured. Oh and CLEAN. They brush teeth after lunch, they comb their hair before I come to pick them up, and they have the same clothes on as they did when I dropped them off! I get reports of the times of Cameron's bum changes, as well as what he ate, how much he ate and his activities during the day.

Cameron even made a halloween craft today!

bah.

Kick my ass

the flu did that is. Holy crap, I haven't felt that way in a few years. Ever think of how melted cheese just forms to that piece of broccoli so lovingly? That's how my body felt....the more it could sink into the couch the better. I had to "rest" on the couch, seriously, after walking to the kitchen for a glass of water.

My system was, for every toilet bowl that was filled, I needed to drink that in water/juice/gatorade. Hella lot.

So on it went to E, and now onto DH... DH is not taking to it to well. duh. I think he thought I was faking a bit. bwahahahaha...

on to better things now. Halloween. Need a costume for work. Don't have one...have no idea what to be. crap.

A whole herd

Wow, i'm so fascinated. A herd of about 17 elephants went to Petes Pond... Big giant ones, middle sized, babies...and a new baby, for sure. So new, he was still figuring out how to walk, how to use his trunk in the water (didn't...he dippped his mouth into the water instead) He fell a few times and got stuck, and mom came by to help him out. Used the trunk to give him a nudge...and a couple more tries and up he got. SO Cute... I love watching the "family" dynamics that they seem to have. Mother's nurturing transcends throughout the species.

Kicking my ass

The cold I have, that is.... haven't had one like this for a good 2-3 years. It's knocked me off of my feet...and out of the classroom. Feeling very guilty to be at home, but i feel shitty, therefore, I am at home. Missing my wee ones...missing singing, but I have no voice right now, so they'd laugh at me anyways.

Voyeurism

That I havebecome. I found a great live webcam...two actually (Africam and Pete's Pond) I have them on in other windows... always checking in to see what I can see.

So far, seen monkeys...a barrel of them!
A group of giraffes hanging out at the watering hole....pool little guys have to spread their legs to get a drink of water. Totally forgot about that! They have birds hanging out on their necks too, picking at their bugs.
Hyena
Owl
Gazelles
Crocodiles

Hoping to see Elephants soon. Lots ofo people have seen them and have "snapped" photos from the webcam, so they do come.

I don't know why I'm so interested in them right now. but i am. It's totally unedited stuff...peeing, sniffing each other, making skittish movements ... very cool.

It's like you're there, but you're not....

Xylophone Crime - how long in the slammer?

I teach xylophones. Technical term for the teaching is called ORFF style. I'm getting ready to make it into an acronym for something sadistic.

I want to wrap the goddamn mallets around a certain sonab---- who is a psychopath in the making. Yep, I can understand the other kid, who's dad was murdered last year...but this little shit needs the mallets twisted and wrapped around his neck. No, make it, SHOVED DOWN HIS THROAT SO HE CANNOT TALK BACK ANYMORE.

The other darlings are amazing. Lovem to bits. SOOO glad I decided to get back into music teaching.

Ugly Betty

Still identifying with her awkwardness, her dorkniness, and her amusing naivity. She makes me giggle. Gosh, she's a great actress.

Kids are still having success at their new daycare. They come home clean, happy, and things feel good. Still a little on the cautious side, as it's only been a week,but it definately feels better.

I'm turning into my mother (except on EBAY!)

I'm turning into my mother (except on EBAY!)

I never thought I'd say it.... I am enjoying looking at old vintage/antique/european china patterns at the moment. I'd love to find some kind of cool looking dinner set....or just cups and a breakfast plate set. I'm loving the mismatched-ness, the aged look.

This was something my mother loved to do...I always thought it was quite boring...and now, I'm fascinated to find the perfect little set ...or two..or three.

Almost bid on one set, which I should've...would have been about 100 dollars for a lunch set plus tea cups and tea pot...an old german blue * white set.... yep. hey mom, did you send these thoughts into my head or what?

daycare

new daycare for the kids today. they loved it (yes, first day excitement, I'm sure) but the positive spin....they came home clean today. For some reason, at j's house they would end up in their 2nd "spare" clothes, and THOSE would be filthy too. Not filthy as in dirt filthy..welll, sometimes that was the case, but moreso like food, drink, god knows what else...all over them.

makes me wonder how much or how little supervision and care really went on there.

anyways, the good news is that they loved it there, and I stuck em in cold turkey.

hopefully it will continue

My favourite month of the year

I love October.... always have...always will. Something about that little chill in the wind... wearing sweaters and light jackets, the dancing leaves, and the colours... oh the colours!

Where I used to live, October was okay..it was still my favourite month because of all the things that happen to the season. But because there were mostly evergreens everywhere, there wasn't a huge statement that autumn was here.

Where I am now? OMG...it's just spectacular. No we don't have mountains, but the plethora of colour that is out there is breathtaking. It make me love October even more now. The leaves are dancing EVERYWHERE here...tons of deciduous trees here, and the reds and oranges are magnificent.

I love the definition in the seasons here. There is a distinct winter (bah I'll gripe about it soon I'm sure!) spring, summer and fall.

Change

trying to sort out why I sometimes feel totally caught up in the eye of the storm...just riding the wind and hoping it will toss me somewhere soft and silent.

so I made a list of some of my change and stress in the last 2 years of my life.

-mom dies
-new dog
-pregnancy
-diagnosed as diabetic, and not just with pregnancy
-husband on strike for eons with company
-have baby #2 , luckily husband takes a week off to help out
-husband continues to work 12-14 hour days at the strike
-new job offer floating in the air for husband
-baby #1 and Baby #2, staying at home with me. I'm on mat leave.
-move may entail relocation...no date set.
-strike ends. i have a husband back, sort of. Happy about it, but now MY schedule that has been set over the strike, must be remolded now that hubby is a fixture in my life again.
-new job offer, date set...for 2 months from now
-new job, new house, new city, new climate...nobody I know
-list house on market by myself while husband begins new job.
-kids get major flu on first day of open house
-sell house, with conditions to fill, by myself.
-pack, organize move to new location by myself (with help of the movers, of course)
-husband looks for new home in new city by himself
-sell and buy a new home within a 2 week period
-move to new location in the coldest weather i've ever experienced.
-add more stress to my life - become an avon rep
-coast for awhile
-officially quit my former job of 10 years, losing my seniority and job status
-start a new teaching job 6 months later, put my kids in a dayhome I don't know anything about
-kids "fail" in this dayhome
-find new daycare for kids.



yep...it's grounds for a nervous breakdown.

How can I tell if I'm having one? I really want to know. Oprah had on her show, suicidal attempts. I'm not there, nor am I NEAR there, but I certainly understand the desire to make things nice and dark and quiet and calm.

Received a card from my best friend yesterday, which stemmed this set of thoughts. The card said, "You have had and made so many big changes in your life in the last 2 years, you are an inspiration." Made me think about this alot....I don't know if I'm an inspiration, but more of a nutcase for doing so many things. I love hectic stuff, but I think my body and spirit are on a major rebellion right now. Talk about making your bed and laying in it.
-

Daycare Bitch

So, i'l vent about my daycare drama here. I've decided 100% I'm changing my daycare provider. J appeared to be the perfect dayhome provider when I interviewed her...or rather she interviewed me (1st signal I should have read) Her monotone expression and way of speaking should have been another signal, but I excused it as being a serious person, or having an off day...or just not interacting well with other adults.

I keep wondering...my son has ups and downs at her place..and it starts with him not wanting me to go. Ethan, on occasion, has a meltdown when I leave. I understand about separation anxiety, but I'm wondering if some of it has to do with her. She never greets, smiles and welcomes the boys in the morning. she opens the door and goes back into her kitchen to finish making her own kids' lunches. Ethan and Cameron (and me) are left at the entry hall with no hello or welcome message, no welcome feeling. This is the feeling that I am perceiving. Being an educator, I know first hand how soooo important it is to make a connection with the kids right away, first thing in the morning. The lack of a smile, or warmth can really make or break a child's day. It really can. Who knows what kind of morning they had...did they have a tough one, a rough sleep, worried about things at home? And that "good morning _____ I'm so glad to see you today, how are you...we're going to have a great day today, i have lots of exciting things planned!" that kind of thing, is a big hit with kids.

When my kids aren't even really acknowledged at the front door...it really hurts me, and it makes me feel so guilty about leaving them there. How much attention is paid to them during the day, if they don't even get a morning smile and greet? I don't expect a song and dance, butI sure expect common courtesy.

I wonder if putting my lil guys into a commercial type daycare may work out better as there's tons of activities ready for them to start at the beginning of the day..soemthing to distract the "mommy's leaving" thing. I don't know. I originally thought a home care would be better, as they'd be nurtured more... I'm not so sure anymore.

Majore mommy guilt in me leaving them in someone else's care. Major. Especially when care is not working out. And major guilt because I don't have to work financially...but I want to. I need it for my own sanity. I'm a mess of a stay at home mom. Totally miserable and feel unfufilled (aren't moms supposed to love being a mom full time?)

Life was so much easier years past. Sometimes I wish I could go there again.

Strawberry Milk

Addicted...cannot get enough of.

Pass over the chocolate milk (imagine the drama of that?) and gimme some strawberry milk. I have a mini jug of it right here. YUM> it's almost gone. I go for days without drinking milk, except in my coffee, and all of a sudden, I have a desperate urge for strawberry milk, and make a special trip to the store just for it.

Those special trips used to be to Dairy Queen or McD's for milkshakes or icecream. At least my new kick has a fraction of the calories. Go me!

Thinking of getting the "quick" stuff to add to the milk...will it taste the same as the ready made? I dunno. I'll post about that.

It's also made me think of Ovaltine. Remember Ovaltine? I think I'm getting into hibernation mode.

Obscure things

Do you know they make an appliance that cooks hot dogs? We got one. T's grandma bought it for us when she came for a visit. It looks like a toaster. You stick your two dogs in it, and your two buns, and voila... cooked hotdogs and toasted buns. Ethan loves it. I think it's the hokiest thing in the world, but whatever.

Another great purchase from the shopping channel that I forgot to report. A GORGEOUS suede coat. It looks awesome on me, thank you very much. It's a longer length (about 3 inches above the knee) and goes great with everything. The best thing? It's WASHABLE... throw it in the wash machine on gentle, and throw it int hte dryer too. Good thing, Cameron puked all over it yesterday! :)

Ugly Betty

Can strongly identify with her. Feeling gawky, geeky, clumsy... I laugh hard at her antics, as I see my self reflection in her.

It's not a negative thing, and it's not poor self image... I can just so relate to her for some reason.

On the first episode, very last scene where she trips on the curb, and then quickly tries to compose herself as if nothing happened...and that glance to see if anyone else saw it. Gosh, I died in laughter.

horse

What the hell is it with this one horse I pass by every day? Friday...pissing as I drive by.
Monday...crapping... today??? pissing again? Same bloody black horse.

wwwiiiiiipppppppppppeee the snot

there it is... I spot it with my hearing. sniff sniff. never mind I think. just a tickle in her nose.

there it is again. I zoom in on the culprit. sitting innocently doing her reading out loud. and then she does it.

the craft is meticulously mastered. a swift move. without even giving it a thought. a sweep of the back of the hand against her oozing nose. lovely. another efficient job handled by her jeans as she carefully executes her clean up plan. keep reading keep reading keep reading.

I'm waiting for it... ah yes, another wippppeeee this time with her fingers.
and as if I've never noticed it before....somehow my radar sets sight on the special pencil I've loaned the lovely innocent. The symbols are crashing in my head I as notice the slow motion of her snotted hand...reaching ... reaching... and finally holding the pencil.

MY pencil.

Shoes

Found a great pair of new boots to buy. Even going to spend 150 for them. Most I've ever spent on shoes. Been to 5 stores now to buy them, and they're all sold out of my size! WTF? Do they not know that it's rare I am willing to spend money on shoes? They're pointy kitten heel shiney black buckle boots. Yum

Other pair are a pair of black sketchers with red patches of sparkly jacquard fabric on them. Mega bucks too. Comfy

Just need a store who is willing to offer to order them for me and take my money.

Anyone anyone???

spending

new tv. new surround sound for tv. (courtesy of dh) new computer monitor, keyboard and mouse (courtesy of fil)

what did i buy? a chocolate bar. all of us happily content with our purchases...i think mine at 59 cents was rather the most pleasurable one.

Loony

So this is how nutso I am. I am considering deleting my tribute post to Betty, because I'm worried that I'm offending people. What the... ?

So keeping to my conscious effort to not be wishy washy and not hold things in, I'm KEEPING the stupid post in.

I hope she doesn't think I'm badmouthing her. My post was rather more to elude how BORING my drive is to work. There are no crazy drivers here, hence Betty would need to switch gears and find something else to blog about.

Well there is one crazy driver here. Not a crazy driver, but crazy.

Betty's blog would go out of business if...

she had my commute to work everyday. My commute is 20km. Sounds average right? Well, how about this? I drive on a straight east bound, 4 lane highway with a speed limit of 100 km/hr, for 17 of the 20 km. The other 2.5 km are 80 km/hr

Betty would have nothing to blog about. Or it would sound something like this:

Cows...would you walk a little fucking faster for a change? The grass needs to be eaten over there, and your life is looking might useless to me right now. Hay baler..would you mind baling the hay in cubes next time instead of in cylinders? It's getting a little mundane watching you go in a straight line all the time. Horses.. .would you mind waiting until I'm done passing your field, and THEN take a crap? Jeez freight train...can you at least show off a caboose? I was waiting to see the goddamn caboose!

A tribute to Betty... no offense intended Betty :)

What the....

Fuck?

I'm a music teacher again. What the fuck am I thinking? Doing? To have about 100 kids prance through my music room, snotty noses, farting, scowling, lice infested children though my classroom? what the..?

Pretend I know what I'm doing. I'm going to try and fix the poor souls of instruments that have been abused and neglected in my room. I'm going to sing fun high pitched songs that annoy the hell out of you. And even better!! I'm going to send the recorder home for practice TO YOUR HOUSE! Just imagine, b-a-g, b-a-g, tweet, b-a-g over and over and over again. How wonderful.

And yes, pour my heart and soul into a Christmas concert from October until December, only to put on a presentation that lasts a total of 40 minutes, because we don't want to tire the poor souls out that night. What the.... ? Tire WHO out?

I love teaching. I really do. Now I need to go figure out what song to teach so I can annoy the hell out of the parents and teachers. heehehheee..

shoes

How the hell is it that I am not a specific shoe size like it says I should be. How is it that I can fit some shoes an 8.5 and some shoes a 10?

Could someone please make the shoe sizes consistent please?

And on that note. I'd like a custom tailor for my clothing too.

decision making

For once I'd like to be able to be a selfish decision maker. So now as I write that, does that mean I believe that people who can easily make decisions are selfish? Nope. I don't believe that at all...in fact, I admire that so much in people. I just believe that if I make a decision that would benefit myself and my enjoyment, it is selfish. I don't know why. I think as I get older, I analyze my childhood as being the root of my problems. And I hate to blame childhood of that. I will blame it, but I won't let that be my excuse.

So I ask for advice and opinioins many times in the last while, for fear of making the wrong choice. And if I make a mistake so what, right?

I need to get my head back on my shoulders and for once not care about what others think. I'm pretty sure I got that from my mom. As a teen I always got lectured, what would the neighbours think... and now it's haunting me.

I need to indulge in life a bit more.

Trash TV

I watch the shopping channel. And I quite like it. I am selective about what I watch, but if there's some cool gadget or makeup line on, I'll watch it. It is brainless background music for me while I try and make my day productive. Things I've bought... PurMinerals makeup (awesome) Aloette SkinCare (awesome), Scrapbooking kit (great), OxyClean when it first came out (awesome), garden seeds (okay), Spin and Store containers (awesome)...hmm..oh yeah, EvertFresh Green bags (look awesome, not yet received)

Almost bought a purse on there too..sad that I didn't go through and buy it, but I couldn't justify spending 90 dollars on a leather bag...drool...beautiful bag. I can easily be convinced. Some people buy on ebay...I prefer to go with TSC. Shipping is honest, CanadaPost rates, and if I don't like it, they have a 30 day money back guarantee, no questions asked. Sounds good to me

Shopping is the pits these days for me...two kids (male) and a husband makes for no shopping therapy for me. And I'm at an all time low size in the last 10 years, and I cannot get out there and try on clothes! VERY frustrating. I'm going to escape this weekend by myself...I'm already guilt laden about it. My husband never brings any guilt upon me...it's all self generated. I'm a freak.

Ever wonder

I have these amazing intellectual arguments and discussions planned out in my head. But rarely do they come out. I'm not sure why. Maybe this online thing will help me to figure it out.