New posts

I'm dredging up a new funny post. It's milling around in my mind. Stay tuned. :)

Went to the wet coast this weekend, and wet it was! It was so gorgeous..the smell of the trees and the dampness. Funny, but I never thought I'd appreciate it again. We (a group of a few of my girlfriends) chilled out in a cabin in Tofino, right on the water. I love them to bits, it was so nice to regroup and rekindle what I have missed.

Urge for my hometown still exists. More confusion in my head...need to sort it out.

The cold has finally melted me.

We have been talking lately about moving back home to the wet coast. We love it here in the cold prairies, but we're really missing our friends and family back home. It wouldn't be a quick move, but rather a plan to get back home in the next year to 2 years. DH will be fishing for placements with his company on the coast, which will be good options, and I, well... I really am flexible with what I want to do. I love my teaching job, but I still love the option of other careers, other things. Ethan is going to Kindergarten in the fall (!) and it would be nice to be able to be there along the way with him. I'm going to work on NOT working..maybe tutoring or teaching music classes on the side for wee ones. If we move, we'd make a killing on the house we have right now, and yes, while it's expensive on the coast, we don't mind living out in the burbs, even a little further than we did before. Financially, we've made huge strides by this move, and while some people might think of us as crazy, we've sacrificed a year, possibly 2 or 3, and financially saved ourselves 15-20 years on our mortgage.

When we reflect back on all the things we've been doing and people we "socialize" with, we've been pretty much living our lives here, but socializing with our west coast friends and family. All the phone calls, emails, blogs, and chatboards, are all with our friends back home. Weird huh? So we'll see what comes of it.

This is strictly in the works right now, and maybe we'll change our minds in the near future, but I'm not so sure.

I'm positively THRILLED and ELATED about the idea...when the idea came "out" my homesickness surfaced and intensified. I dunno what's happening to me. I think I'm going nutso.

I'm here!

I'm doing well, and out of my woa is me phase again. Sheesh, had to dig out of that one! Feeling good again.

I have a ton to blog about, but not a lot of time right now.


I went to my first roadside cafe, as in, hicksville gasoline station restaurant. The artwork on the walls was dusty and faded, the dusty pink walls were dingy and grey. The early 80's vinyl back chairs were in fine form, and the menus were showing age. We went for lunch, my work group that is. A fine bunch of 10 women we are, and I had the honours of being the guest of honour, for it was my first time to Brookville. I ordered a grilled cheese sandwich with fries, and literally, it came exactly out as I would have made myself. Wonderbread, kraft cheese, cut in 1/2 with a pile of baked fries on the side. To drink? A bottle of diet coke from the gas station cooler...not even a straw offered, nor a glass to pour it in.

I was in heaven. My first real hick experience, and I loved every minute of it.

Quitting

Every now and then I get into a funk with my job and feel very guilty about working vs being at home with the kids. Being a teacher is one of the most amazing jobs one can do, but it is also a very stressful, busy, lonely, and high pressure job too. Top that with the idea of being exposed to millions of different germs everyday, being a mom, counsellor, nurse, hugger, disciplinarian, police officer, and stand up comic...I think it can get a bit much at times.

So this weekend leading into monday was one of those times where I just felt the pop bottle shaken a little and the pressure mounting...my cork was about to pop. And it did. I got to the point of re evaluating finances and budget and seeing if I could stay at home. (that wasn't a problem at all)

I figured it outsomewhat. I think i get overwhelmed when I start to feel like too much is piling up on my plate, like I'm starting to get behind, or out of control. Let's see...I'm in the "downwind" from the concert, the January doldrums, the darkest time of the year. I've been planning to restart choir (getting all those songs figured out), plan, learn and teach the ukulele which I've never done before, and plan, learn and teach the recorder, which I've never done before. Learning the grade 1-3 guided reading program is not so bad, but it still is another notch to pile on. I also came up with the brilliant idea that I should have the kids create a school wide talent show for March (what the fuck am I doing?????) Add to the pile the teacher evaluations which my principal has to do on me to official grant me a permanent contract statuts. Yep..I guess I've got a bit on my plate. Add to that the fact that my husband was away for 5 days last week, and 4 days this week, while I'm playing single mom with all of the above on my plate. My learning curve at work is so sharp, and I know if I just get through this year, my future years will not be as hard.

Add to this the very frustrating point of being sick with cold or flu non stop since the 3rd week of September. No joke, just the week after Christmas, has been my one week where I did not need to resort to kleenex or hacking. I'm again, caught up with a sinus cold which I wake up with a headache daily for the last 5 days. Maybe something else is wrong with me?

I'm so surprised I haven't turned to smoking or drinking. Food such as icecream has been a comfort, but I don't resort to any of that. I just bottle it up.

So I've recoveered from this mess my mind has created. DH is leaving again tomorrow, and I will manage just fine. I will do what I can, how I can. My kids and I will continue on and do just fine. As for my job, there are so many things that I could add and do to enhance the program, but I just think I need to balance things better and realize that I can't do it all in my first year.

need to re-read this and let it sit inside me for awhile...

Keep Out

pitter patter pitter patter...rummage sounds in the junk drawer.
Ethan comes up to me this morning, pen in one hand, paper in the other.
"mommy, Can you write Keep Out please"

"okay"

rummage, rummage rummage through the junk drawer.
Pitter patter pitter patter. Door Shuts.
Cameron starts crying.

It was a Keep Out sign that I wrote. Ethan found the tape and taped it to his bedrom door, and shut the door on Cam.

Sibling fights are starting. gah


In other news...lots to post about, but not in the mood to right now.

Bought more scrapbooking stuff, when I'll scrapbook, hell if I know. Sure looks purdy though.

Christmas

The Christmas slaughter has finished...slaughtering of the gifts that we so carefully wrapped, that is. No pics, we did a video with our new cam, but I don't know how the heck to work it. Anyways, here's a few pics from lately.


Well crap that. Apparantly my external drive has been packed and ready to go to Myrtle Beach. That's where we're headed tomorrow. 16 of dh's family all under one roof. Oh what fun! My escape will be shopping. God help me on the plane ride.
Post later.


Happy Christmas everyone!

Making words with children

So...I work with children. And of course they say the most remarkable things sometimes.

Assisting in a class that is having a word making "competition" with the word CHRISTMAS. What 2 letter words can you make with the letters from Christmas. Three letter? sam, tam, cam, ram, mit, sit...you get the gist. So 4 letter words come up. The words are flying here...they're really getting it! So little Josh, (did I say this was grade one?) says to me quietly while this is all going on....
**Mrs.Harris I think we could do the word SHIT, but I know it's not a nice word so we can't do that one.
**What word? (doing a big head shake, did I hear that correctly?)
**SHIT...you know the word SHIT? It's not a nice word. But those are the letters from the word christmas. (imagine this with a little lisp)
**Oh yes, Josh, I understand. you're right, it probably wouldn't be very appropriate to use that word for here.
**Yes, Mrs.harris, SHIT is not a very nice word to use in school is it.
**That's right Josh, smart thinking not to use that word....what was it again? (*snicker to myself*)

**Shit.

Good Josh....what other words can you make?

Sometimes it's really hard to keep a straight face

Christmas Concert

Went extrememly well...kids were magical, parents were thrilled , and it was thrilling to put on. I had many compliments, including "I think that may have been the best one I've seen in the last 10 years!" Wow! My review....I think the kids were off tune many times, sang wayyyy to fast at times, and were chatty in between scenes/songs.

Whatever...like a friend said back in September when I was obsessing over what to do... the parents just want to see their kid look cute on stage.

Cute they did. I'll see if I can post a photo or two soon. I'll get them off the local newspaper article when it comes out.

Thrilling though, to me. I was cool as a cucumber, except when I had to play the piano...but conducting and leading was awesome. My back to the audience, I didn't need to see them, and could make faces at the kids without parents knowing. hehhe.

Psyching myself up for Christmas

I love Christmas and all, but I've really gone downhill the last few years. I mean, I grew up and things were simple. One or two gifts were what I got for Christmas, and my stocking was filled with nuts and chocolate...no "stuffers". Now it seems like just when I think I'm done, someone else pops up that I somehow "forgot". It's insane. My newest one...do I pick something up for my cleaning ladies? They clean my toilets for fuck's sakes. Gotta get them something to make up for it.

I wish things were simpler. I mean, I don't NEED anything...and to tell you the truth, if I want something or see something I like, I pretty much go and buy it myself, because I'm not a big spender on myself. So if someone asks me what I want, when I say nothing, I really mean it. Get me a magazine, and a cup of tea...take the monsterschildren out for a few hours and let me have peace and quiet for awhile.

Stocking stuffers. What the hell/who the hell thought of this? I mean...do I really have to wrap up the toothpaste I just bought you? I'm wandering the aisles at the local store guessing at any stupid item to throw into hubby's stocking. I'm so untrained at this tradition, it kills me. I think it's a bloody waste of money, time and effort. Why do I have to specifically buy after shave for his stocking? Does he really need me to WRAP a pair of socks?


Yeah yeah....I know what you're thinking. But to tell you the truth...I'd be happy with ROCKS in my stocking. At least I could use them in for drainage in my planters in the spring.

bah.

why be merry?

you know, if it's so difficult to even send a goddamn birthday card, then don't even bother with that.

My sister sucks at being cheery. It's a big stress for her to buy or send a birthday greeting, let alone a christmas one. for as long as I can remember, my christmas mornings have been dampened by her grim depressive spirits. i don't know what the fuck her problem is, but today she calls me and is totally stressed over what to get my kids for christmas. For god sakes, they're only little guys...buy them a car or a truck and your done. Is it so much to even ask to send a birthday card?

I wonder sometimes if I moved away partly to get away from my family. I speak to my SIL on the phone to toss some ideas around about gifts for the nieces and nephews, and then it launches into a few jabs about my sister. like, it's okay for ME to complain and bitch about my sister, but when someone else does it, I feel inside very defensive about it. Don't know why. It's like I hate her for being unhappy (or what seems like it) all the time, and yet when someone else remarks about it I get all "hurt" about it.

So on to the moving away thing..... I sometimes reflect and think I moved away really to get awy from my family. I miss getting together with them once in awhile, but I don't miss the politics and the unspoken turbulence. I sometimes feel like I was adopted...I feel so different than my sister and brother...and being that way, I like to be AWAY from them so I don't feel guilty about being different.

My boys

Okay three posts in one day. I've got alot on my mind.

School is going really well.

Home is just awful right now. My DH's eldest son is on major defiancy lately and has had lots of time outs for the last 5 days. I don't know where the hell the old E has gone, but the one that has been living here for the last week really sucks. Parenting has been the toughest most challening thing for me ever to face. I used to think I was very even keeled and patient, but devil child E has certainly disproved this theory. I'm really faced with controlling my own anger and frustration on daily basis right now. Thank god DH and I "tag" team, so I can or he can have a break. I know they all go through phases, and this clearly is just one of the many I'm to face.

Daycare is going very well, and there are no issues there.

Little guy is doing fine..I bet he's observing every moment and learing about how to push my buttons in a few months...just... at...the ...right...time.

they are so fricken smart.

Snow Forts

The team building that I saw happening outside today at lunch was amazing. The behaviour kids, the "cliques" of kids that don't necessarily mix outside, were all involved in several architectural developments in the snow.

The wind has built up snow drifts off the side walks of the school. The benches are mostly totally covered, so you can walk overtop of the bench seat, and not realize that you are walking ontop of the bench. Lots of snow.

Anyways, these little beavers were working away at several snow forts. Tunnels, seats, walls, windows, igloos inside of forts, slides going down into the tunnel, into a "resting area". The comraderie, the team work and the intensity was outstanding.

They've been working on these forts since last week in -20 weather. Today was nice and mild at +1. As the bell went and they were on their way inside, they were already planning the next blueprints to add on for the next day.

How can one channel that amazing "culture" into the classroom, I wonder?

Christmas Concert Intensity Builds

So this week I'm doubling, tripling and quadrupling classes for building up groups for my concert. A death wish by Friday i'm sure. I haven't told the kids, they just show up and are like ...woah cool, I can sing with my friends! our school is run by a bell system....every 1/2 hour the bell goes, indicating a new period begins. So normally every 1/2 hour they change classes/subjects like robots.

bell rings with my grade 4 and 6 classes in music. i hear it. sing sing sing ignore. you can see the sweat pouring off of some of their foreheads. but... the ... bell MRS HARRIS THE BELL!!! Panic setting in. The bell went we have to go. sing sing sing, ignore...let panic set in more. ehhehe.

Then I tell them at the end of the song. Oh, we may be here for the next hour....I have you for as long as I like, my pretties....I say in my devillish voice. bwahahahaha.... groans and eye rolling are the usual what I expect.

Cheering and yahooing is what I get. Can we stay all afternoon some of them call out. I'm thinking partially that they like it because they don't have to do written work...but I keep em really busy and active and STANDING up (and they hate that!)

These kids LOVE music. We have been doing this concert thing since November 1st and they still love every moment of it. the acting, the dancing, the singing the performing...they LOVE it.


Should be fun. It's all student made, performance, decorations, dance moves etc. I've guided them through it, and they've had input every step of the way. So it's not a broadway musical, nor is it top notch performance that would win awards, but the joy that the peformance is bringing to the kids, and especially to me, is so worth it.

I hope the parents are as proud as I am. :)

A reason not to become a teacher

You're sick all the fucking time. I have been sick since the end of September. It's been a cold merged in with a flu, continued on with a cold then rolling over into yet another cold. I'm sick of being sick! Now I have a voice that cuts in and out so I don't know if it's laryngitis or just the icky phlegm being stuck on my vocal chords from time to time. I dunno.

I love what I do, but I'd really love to be able to bend over for once and not feel like my head will explode from pressure, or my nose will drip suddenly.

It's all in those snot posts I've been writing about. they don't know how to cough, or to use kleenex and/or wash their hands frequently. To top it off it's so damn cold out that we can't open the windows to freshen the stale germy air.

I hate being sick.

I did it!

Go me!!! I figured out how to post links to others' blogs! Yay! Scary to think that I took computer programming in highschool and first year university. My times have changed. I feel like a complete moron looking at the codes now! Part of me wants to surrender to the techno change and just plead helpless, but the other part of me wants to still be in the game.

Well, at least I figured this part out. :)

It's over

It's over. I'm going cold turkey. My toffee addiction must come to an end. Will stop today.

Watch for signs of bitchiness.

My boys - testing a few features here...bear with me

My boys.....I still am in awe that I created these monsters beings from one little cell in my body.

Go me!

ColdFucking Cold

Today was very cold. For some reason, as a teacher, I have to supervise three days a week on my lunch hours outside for 1/2 hour. Not bad to get some fresh air I guess (more on my gripes later) Today was fucking cold. I was already cold inside, and therefore when I put my big unfashionable mountain gear parka on, it did not keep me warm at all. I needed a balaklava, however the fuck that's spelled. My face was frozen, I wore a hat. But my cheekbones and my lips honestly were so cold that they stiffened up.

Wahhhh.. whiny bitch I am.

And onto bitching. I have NO breaks at school right now and I'm getting resentful about it. It'll calm down after the concert at Christmas, but I'm festering already. Both recesses are taken up by "auditions" for the play...leading into next weeks practices for the play. My lunch hours 3 days a week are outside supervising. The other 2 lunch hours are leading my choir kids in their practices/rehearsals. I basically wolf down 1/2 my sandwich...or eat my cereal cube by cube WITHOUT the milk because I'm in a hurry. The rest of my days are spent chowing down on caramels for caloric intake only.